I’m having a pretty decent Saturday. Was REALLY sleepy and lounged around a good part of it, but that’s ok. I know what I’m going to be now for Halloween – I think it’s going to be crazy funny. Now, I’m back home; I picked up some dinner to go from Jaspers (peach barbeque pork tenderloin with bourbon corn and a little twice-baked potato), poured some good wine and I’ve got some movies running in the background (ok, well just one at a time, but I figure I’ll probably have more than one in this evening). Ate by candlelight, again, with just me. I don’t care, I like the ambience and I’m all about proper ambience. Slow pace this evening … but it’s cool.
I got nailed this afternoon by a comment from a friend. He pointed out that I’ve become an expert in shutting relationships down before they begin… to the point that it’s almost like it’s either sport or safety mechanism. I know it’s not sport, so that leaves safety mechanism. Hmm.. not really the first time this has come out, I just get lost in my life and forget the patterns. But, I don’t want to be the “ice queen” – so, I guess I need to start paying more attention before I shut ’em down. Although, I still say there’s nothing wrong with being particular and you can’t force connection – it’s either there or it’s not. I’m not the only one who’s like this.
At James’ thing, some of us were talking about being “relationship guy/girl” vs. being a “hooker.” Of course, we weren’t referring to getting paid for sex (or even having sex, really)- it was more about not being in a space where emotional attachment was really going to happen. And they’re phases, sometimes we’re in a “relationship phase” and sometimes we just want to have fun, thus the “hooker phase.”
I think I’m somewhere in between the two phases right now… I’d LIKE to have a relationship, but I’m still somewhat skittish of the chameleon male and putting myself out there, so I’m being picky and just going out and having fun getting to know people. Maybe I’ve been a little too picky, though… even Dad mentioned I’m able to kncok them out faster than anyone he knows – and I don’t think that’s really how I want to be defined. And I want ‘comfortable’ again – so, I’m going to just have to work on being more available to the man/men/whatever I’m getting to know.
Walking 9 miles in the morning. Fun. I’m still waiting on medical clearance to do this.. I’m hoping it comes through by the 10th, but I need to be well before the Doc’ll do it.
I want to find some good music to listen to this evening… in the mood for soul-filled music
I always forget stuff I want to talk about, lol… I saw the hotel Tanya and I will be staying at in San Fran… Hotel Monaco.. it’s gorgeous… and really romantic looking, though it’ll do nothing for Tanya and I. Obviously, we’re going to need to go to Chinatown… but, the Blue and Gold Bay cruise looks cool, I was told I HAD TO ride the elevator at St. Francis and I want to play in Nob Hill (how could you go to San Fran and NOT go there?)…. Anyone else have any “must-see” suggestions?
One of my favorite old friends is getting married. Found out this afternoon (is also the aforementioned friend I referred to earlier in this posting). I’m so happy for him. He deserves to be so very happy. Funny, I love weddings. I like the feeling that people have there – there’s all this hope, and joy, and jubilance. My own was slightly draining, but I was in it, so that’s different. The ones that I attend are different. I shall have to watch The Wedding Date in his honor. I’ll get to meet her in 2 weeks. For all that I poke fun of E-harmony, that’s where he met her… I can’t help but giggle, I’m sorry. They’re going to have FIVE children between them.
The red fingernails are scaring me.