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I'm just a girl in the world.. that kind of likes to write. Mom of 2 teen girls & work as Talent Attraction & Marketing professional. Oh, & I'm addicted to my phone, Social Media, HR/Talent Marketing & Caffeine... you can learn more about me at www.linkedin.com/in/theonecrystal

Dating…

There are probably few things in life that are more frustrating, fun, fufilling, and nervewracking as dating is. Because let’s face it, at some point, we’re all out there looking for our last first kiss. That’s kind of a tall order when you think about it.

When we’re young, it has to be perfect. We don’t yet need to settle, so we look for Prince Charming or Angelina Jolie (depending on your gender, I guess) to come along and sweep us off our feet. We want butterflies, fireworks, and tingling… and we’ll settle for nothing less. When we we’re young, it’s probably more about feelings and less about thoughtful, long-term compatiblity. So, it’s really no surprise that our divorce rate is closer to 70% than 60%, is it?

For those of us that are dating in the ‘middle ages?’ We still have standards, but maybe they’re not quite so lofty. Rather than hard-and-fast “types” that we may have held in our twenties, we have “preferences.” Things we like, but aren’t dealbreakers. For me? I like bald guys, some facial hair can be fun (but not like Woodsman Bob level), or if they have enough hair I can actually play with it – it’s no fun when it has so much gel in it that it.doesn’t.move.in.hurricane.force.winds. Anyway, those are physical preferences – not must haves. The must-haves become more realistic; for me, at this point they need to have true morals/values (not just stuff they SAY they do/believe in) that mesh with me, their career figured out, they need to be decisive, and they need to be able to stand up to me/call me out now and again (I’m pretty…opinionated :p).

There are many ways to meet people: the old-fashioned way (you bump into them in a hang-out spot or the grocery store), meet-up groups where groups of singles go out and do various different things together and just see what develops, and in the last decade or so? Internet dating has become the new staple of meeting your next “the one.” Most of them are paid sites; you give them $30-$60 a month and they’ll give you access to hundreds of profiles. Dig through them and perhaps you’ll find true love; but, if not? At least you found someone to go to dinner with. I use a free dating site that a friend of mine turned me onto. Well, I say I use it – I HAVE a profile, I have bothered to go through the motions and met a couple of people. I’ve made a couple of friends… but nothing to write home about.

The problem with dating sites? Two things: 1, if you can write a decent profile, you get more responses than you can actually respond to. 2? You get to deal with people’s baggage even BEFORE you meet them. People whose rampant insecurities go haywire before you even see them in person. For example, check out this exchange – not going to lie, it both amused me and made me glad I’m single:

This guy pops onto my page… I guess by virtue of simply looking at my profile, I was supposed to have with joyful exaltation return the favor and respond to some question he had evidently written on his. Newsflash: I don’t use that site to date. It’s really more of writing fodder at this point – but, he wouldn’t know that, so it’s ok. Here’s his first, very stunning email:

From: freakuent_flyer (View Profile)
Subject: wth? Sent Date: 2/28/2009 9:55:31 AM

you have 2 car pic and a mile long profile, but no care to answer my question?

Yes, yes I do. I also have a few other pictures, thank you and I didn’t ask you to read my novella. Not sure why, but I responded:

From: TheOneCrystal (View Profile)
Subject: RE:wth? Sent Date: 2/28/2009 6:36:39 PM

I’m sorry, did you ask a question?

And btw, insulting someone is typically NOT a good way to get them interested in learning more about you.

Take care.

Good manners would dictate he not respond…..

From: freakuent_flyer (View Profile)
Subject: RE:RE:wth? Sent Date: 2/28/2009 10:13:20 PM

i assumed you read my profile as i did with yours. thank you for reciprocal consideration.

Hmmm…. ok, now I’m kind of amused. I mean, come on…who wouldn’t be attracted to a combatative approach that somewhat smacks of insecurity? Does he even realize that it makes him sound insecure? I’m intruiged…

From: TheOneCrystal (View Profile)
Subject: RE:RE:RE:wth? Sent Date: 3/1/2009 12:48:19 AM

Ok, I popped onto your profile page. After the first couple of lines, it was clear to me that we weren’t a match.

While I would absolutely love to send everyone that emailed me a return email, it’s really not possible. I did the math – I’d spend about 2 hours a day on here, easy. And frankly, I don’t have time for that. Not to make me sound like I think I’m all that – I don’t. I am just cognisant of the fact that simply having a profile on this page does not require me to respond to anyone who may choose to ‘reach out and write me.’ It doesn’t – just like you are not obligated to have a conversation with every telemarketer that hits your phone lines just by virtue of having a phone.

In fact, the only reason you are getting this response is because this entire tact somewhat amuses me and I’m already on the computer.

He apologized, which I gave him credit for – and then asked about the car pics. I don’t see how they’re really any different than the webcam pictures guys put up (and WAY better than bathroom pics, thank you)… so, I responded about those things. But, my above response holds true – do we OWE someone a response just because they mail us?

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