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I'm just a girl in the world.. that kind of likes to write. Mom of 2 teen girls & work as Talent Attraction & Marketing professional. Oh, & I'm addicted to my phone, Social Media, HR/Talent Marketing & Caffeine... you can learn more about me at www.linkedin.com/in/theonecrystal

Purpose & Personal Ramblings

WARNING:  THIS IS RAMBLERRIFIC.

Oh my, it’s been a booger of a week.  The details aren’t germane to get the gist of the story; but the top-notes are that nearly a month’s worth of bullying (and that’s being kind about it) came to a head at the beginning of the week and I finally put my foot down.  I’m not really good at that… putting my foot down, that is.  Standing up for myself.  I don’t like conflict in my personal life; especially when I don’t understand why it’s there to begin with.  So my natural tendency is to avoid it.  But sometimes? You cant and when I saw the situation had become something that couldn’t be side-stepped or blown-over; I dealt with it.

Would love to say it resolved itself nicely; but, it didn’t.  Never had been in that situation before, like that; so, I think I did everything right in my responses… but, we’ll see.  Don’t mean to be cryptic; but the point was actually that I just had to deal with something NOT FUN that’s left me feeling a little lost because if I’m wrong? Not exactly sure yet what to do next.  It happens & I’ll deal with it – but, doesn’t feel good.

In a moment that really did surprise me, later in the week my heart broke a little again.  Didn’t think it could – I’ve joked my heart’s now elastic. :p  But, sometimes people you think can no longer hurt you – people you’ve moved past – turns out they still can.  Unintentional disrespect, callousness, disregard… whatever you want to call it… I think when you’ve really loved someone, there’s a little piece of yourself that can still be affected by those things.  By them.  You hope for them, you hurt for them – and sometimes from them – it’s just in a different manner/degree than before.  Does that make any sense??  Anyway, I got to feel like disregarded chattel courtesy of an Ex this week when I was more or less “gifted”  (granted??) to someone else.  Like the Pope given a dispensation or something…  At first, I was seriously indignant as it offended my sense of morality – there’s some lines you don’t cross & that was certainly one of them.  But, the degree to which I was bothered forced me to realize that it hurt – and for it to hurt, I had to still care.  Not gonna lie, that realization?  Kinda Sucked.

Anyway, was feeling slightly sorry for myself when this song came on.  And how can you feel anything but positive, little rays of sunshine while listening to it?? It’s beautiful!  On the top notes of this song, there’s clearly romantic love.  I get it.  In fact, I found myself kinda twinging with a little bit of wistfulness remembering how good that feeling is… and then, just as the words “Time. Stands. Still…” floated across the airwaves,  it hit me.  You know why it feels so good??  I think I do.   It’s not the love… well, it IS the love; but it’s bigger than that.  Behind the love… there’s purpose.

 Every Breath, Every Hour Has Come to This… 

We all long for a sense of purpose in life.  When you find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with; or all your time with.. or whatever “commitment” looks like to you… there’s a purpose in that that’s bigger than either one of you individually.  And anyone that has ever felt that knows it’s an amazing feeling.    It’s the stuff that songs (like this) are made of.  When you lose it; it’s tremendously difficult to get over. But, as I listened, I realized that isn’t the only time I’ve felt  that sense of steadfast awesomeness… believed I’ve found a permanent sense of purpose:

  • I felt it when I had each of my girls.
  • I felt it when I fell into Recruiting & HR.
  • I felt it when I got to know the person that became my best friend.
  • I felt it when I first went to The Branch – the Church I belong to – it was home. I just KNEW it was where I belonged.
  • I felt it again when I moved my practice into Social Media & Talent Marketing.
Time. Stands. Still…
Every Breath, Every Hour Has Come to This… 
One. Step. Closer.
Each of those times, there was a ‘click;’ a cognizance that I was exactly where I was supposed to be; doing exactly what I was meant to. Which really, when you think about it, is what purpose IS, isn’t it?  Everything that happened leading up to those moments where time stands still and you ‘get it?’  Becomes worth it… the trials, the heartaches, the tribulations, the doubt… call it ‘proving your worth,’ call it ‘refining’ you in preparation for your purpose… whatever works.  The point is ‘the before?’ Loses a lot of significance.

It’s how I felt moving into Social Recruiting & Talent Marketing.  It was a little scary, really.  I didn’t know when I started doing it if people would pay for it – I mean, I thought they would.. but, I was “just a recruiter” who “fell into it.”  But it felt right… like I’d been doing it forever.  I was talking with my friend Daniel (1) and he made the massively flattering comment of I seemed incredibly self-confident, professionally speaking.   I responded with the truth:  I am.  When it comes to my career, you could say I’m on it:  I’m doing what I love, I know my stuff & it’s aligned with my professional purpose.   As long as I remain cognizant of where my limitations are & continue to push those boundaries through development/training?  I’m good.  I’m living my purpose; and all along – since I was a small child – I believed that I would.  Just didn’t know what it looked like then.  Do now.

And I feel the same way about being a parent  –  which is probably why I didn’t need to rush into another marriage after my divorce & I’ve been mostly nonchalant about it since.  The girls really do fulfill my sense of family purpose at present.  Now, don’t get me wrong; I understand that my job as a parent changes pretty drastically after they’re grown & as such, there will be some shifts in how I live out that purpose.  But right now, being there for them, helping them grow into the beautiful, kind, productive members of society I know they’re purposed to be is my greatest purpose in life… and it’s been that way since the day they were born & I fell in love with them.  Of course, how could you not?  Have you seen my girls?? 😉

I have loved you for a thousand years…
I’ll love you for a thousand more.  

This probably sounds a little braggish… I don’t mean it to, really.  Mostly, I was just a little stoked after having been really bummed for a good part of the week to remember that, in a lot of ways?  I’m living my Purpose in life – at least how it stands today.  And my hope is for all of my friends that they feel they’re enjoying the love that comes with living their purpose, too… whatever that looks like.  ðŸ™‚

(1)  Who’s brilliant, btw; and I am really looking forward to doing some cool stuff with him!

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One Comment on “Purpose & Personal Ramblings”

  1. Mike H 01/06/2012 at 11:56 am #

    Rammblerrific, lol! A lot of people are just wondering through life. It’s awesome you found your sense of purpose.

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