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I'm just a girl in the world.. that kind of likes to write. Mom of 2 teen girls & work as Talent Attraction & Marketing professional. Oh, & I'm addicted to my phone, Social Media, HR/Talent Marketing & Caffeine... you can learn more about me at www.linkedin.com/in/theonecrystal

Figured You Out… Or Not…

Sometimes I wonder how I ever survived 2.5 years in Construction HR.  Or close to 5 years in very …open-minded, liberal… environments when it came to the boundaries of acceptable conversation.  I say this because?  I’m seriously, nearly completely naive – or oblivious – but either way, it nets out the same.  Totally don’t catch dirty humor, perverse nuance… heck, half of the time I don’t even pick up on when a guy’s flirting!  🙂

Case in point?  This song:

I can honestly say that pretty much had no idea what this song was talking about.  Until I was out on a date, that is.  It came on his MP3 player in his car and I, of course, remarked that I loved this song.  Because?  It totally made me laugh.  Now, the guy I was with was about 10 years my senior and a pilot… so, to say he was a little more.. worldly… well, that was probably putting it mildly.

He knew me fairly well and seemed surprised that I’d like the song.  At first, I thought it was because it was a rock song & so I was a little offended.  I mean, what did he take me for?? I could rock out w/ the best of them!!  But then, he made the comment that I just didn’t seem like the kind of person that would support a song about sex and drug addiction.

Say what…. ?!?!?!  I?  Thought the song was about a shopaholic.  Really.

After he nearly drove the car off the road laughing; he explained and I wanted to crawl into bed & throw the covers over my head for a month.  I was MORT.I.FIED thinking about how I’d been blaring that song around my kiddos, my friends, the world-at-large… all the while thinking the long lines the singer complains about were the ones at the mall, the powder referred to makeup, and the pants comment?  Well, the ‘far out’ risqué thought I had been that maybe they were fooling around in a dressing room.  *eye roll*

Of course, after he explained it, it made sense.  And I totally flashed back to the time when my ex-husband laughed as he explained that Aerosmith’s “Pink?”  Was NOT about the color and suggested that perhaps I should stop teaching it to our small children.  That one totally cut me out of Mother of the Year nominations that year, let me tell you.

This used to bother me – the naivety, that is.  I equated it to ignorance.  If one wanted to be pessimistic; then perhaps it could be taken that way.  But, really, I’ve come to the point where I think of it more as a sign of innocent simplicity – I just don’t go looking for the perverse in things.  Over the years, I’ve definitely gained a little more familiarity with the double entendre & it’s usage in “adult humor;” but for the most part, I’m fine with things the way they are… regardless of how others might choose to judge that.

So, all that being said, I had a date recently that reminded me of this subject.  Went out with a friend of a friend – we’d been thrown together in social circles quite a bit and so it just sort of fell together.  I had noticed he was a little over-the-top in his humor; but assumed it was something of a show given the settings we had been in.  Even still, thought it might be fair to throw out the warning that I should have been born in the 40s or 50s… ’cause I’m something of an old-fashioned kinda girl. 🙂

Well, looking back on that statement now?  He must have thought I meant I was a Marilyn or something… and I guess he would have been a ‘bad-boy’ James Dean.

Worst. Date. of. Late.  No, it doesn’t surpass the guy with the dog (see “Worst Date Ever” in the “being Crystal” category)… but it was pretty bad.  The guy was just raunchy and guys?  Let me just say that old-fashioned or not?  There’s nothing attractive about that.  Public Service Announcement for Guys:   Burping at the table is gross & when you make overt sexual references in a quiet cafe?  You’re embarrassing, not clever.

20 minutes into dinner I was ready to go home.  I replayed the conversation from the very short car ride (1)  in my head over our wine; trying to figure out where things had gone so horribly wrong.  Beyond the bottle being fabulous; (2) there was nothing going on in our conversation to keep my attention.  I just didn’t see the point where he would have gotten the go-ahead to be so bold as to make the comments he was making.  “No.”  I said to one of his remarks, “No, I don’t know what they do to men in prison & I’m pretty sure I don’t want to think about that in any sort of scenario that I’d be a part of.  Could we restrict our comments to politics or the weather, please?”

His response?  “When was the last time you got…” I’m pretty sure you can figure the rest out.  Needless to say, I didn’t stick around for dessert .. or the rest of dinner for that matter.  Me & my 5″ heels?? We walked back – happily – to my car.   Before you ask, it’s not like I find these guys on the side of the road.  They’re educated, gainfully employed, and successful in the areas of life I can get a read on.  They go to church/temple, and they’re active in their community.

Now, he was an extreme case – but, I’m going to throw out the question… “When did it stop being cool to be chivalrous?  Gentlemanly?”  Did I miss a memo somewhere saying that subtlety was out & women should no longer be, or be treated as, ladies?  (3)  I’m not sure… I guess, when it comes to dating & society today?  That’s one thing I’ve yet to ‘figure out.’

But I’m still not going to forget the look on his face when I walked out… pretty sure THAT was a first for him, too!

(1) We met on one side of Legacy and the place we were going to go to had a long enough wait that we decided to drive over to the other side.

(2) I seriously love Malbec

(3) Not “Princesses” – another thing women try to pull off that just makes.me.gag.

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