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I'm just a girl in the world.. that kind of likes to write. Mom of 2 teen girls & work as Talent Attraction & Marketing professional. Oh, & I'm addicted to my phone, Social Media, HR/Talent Marketing & Caffeine... you can learn more about me at www.linkedin.com/in/theonecrystal

My Relationship Status? “It’s [Not] Complicated”

…and, with any luck, it’ll stay that way.  At least on Facebook.  Because I?  Do not connect with the men I choose to date on that platform.

It wasn’t always that way.  For years, my status would stay static as “Single” or “Divorced” (1) but never “In a Relationship.”  Why?  Because I didn’t want to have to change it again to “It’s Complicated” as the relationship fizzled out or back to single once again.  Friends laughed and called me a ‘hardarse’ as the years went on; but it was good for me.  But then, a funny thing happened.

I got into a “serious” relationship & decided maybe it was time for an update.  Part of that was due to the fact I had a couple of guys that would NOT. STOP. HITTING. ON. ME.  On Facebook.  Where my then boyfriend was actively posting things that made it pretty obvious I was dating him and he alone.   But, the other part was at the time, I was ready to make that “Social Announcement” because I believed that was going to be a long-term change.  And, I guess, if ‘long-term’ in your world is defined by months?  Our “facebook official” relationship was. :p

But, once that change hit; there were things I was more keenly aware of that I hadn’t been before.  Prior, when women would be flirty, sometimes excessively so, with my boyfriend on social media I could shrug it off and think, “Oh, they just don’t know he’s seeing someone.”  Once the status linked to my name was right on his banner, though? Couldn’t do that.  Didn’t drive me nuts; but I sure didn’t like it.  And while I never asked him to remove them, (2) I was disappointed when he let them stand.  So there were the downsides; and on the flip side?? Yeah, there wasn’t much concrete there other than people could see I had a somewhat cute boyfriend… which they already had seen through our interactions on our pages.  Sometimes I felt like maybe people really saw relationship statuses like the picture below, like there were “sub-statuses” that needed to be defined:

And to that point?  Boy was there interaction.  So much so that it was suffocating – I really didn’t have the need to talk to him because I’d seen his whole day/he’d seen mine before we ended our workdays.  Many conversations surrounded showing each other statuses & discussing the psychological aspects behind replies on certain statuses.  He loved showing me how witty he was with his statuses & comments – although often, I’d already commented on them… so, of course I knew!  It was such a turn-off… to our whole relationship.

It took me a VERY long time to really understand why.  The answer came down to this:

There’s something to be said for having the opportunity to miss someone.  Social Media can connect people in a way that allows others to feel like they’re experiencing your life, to a degree, along with you.  It somewhat mitigates the need to ask, “How was your day, dear?” because you already know the answer… you saw it in the various status updates he/she posted that day.   And heaven help us if we misunderstood a status or a response.  You hit the door walking into problems, requiring endless conversation to “dissect” what you ‘really meant’ by something you’d not spent any time thinking about when you posted it to begin with!

And then?? There is the break-up… switching back to the single status is just not a ton of fun.  ESPECIALLY when things end badly, like it did for the girl above.  Fortunately,  Facebook’s helped the heartbroken out a bit as you can just NOT select an option for relationship status – essentially hiding it. Whatever you do, don’t act like a tool and do what a former boyfriend of mine did… hid his relationship status for two weeks or so before we broke up & then tried to make me feel like -I- was in the wrong for questioning the change.  (3)  He is a good guy, but that was a chump move.

After my less-than-stellar ‘relationship’ with the relationship status, I did some thinking.  My dating relationships were BETTER when they weren’t hampered by social media.  For years, social had caused one problem or another – if not the status, it was my blog, or who commented on my MySpace, etc…   So, I stopped.  Connecting with men I date, that is.  And it’s helped… a LOT.  I can “discover” the guy I’m getting to know through him without getting hung up on digital detours the way it’s supposed to be.  I’m less “intimidating” (4) and we have more to SOCIALIZE about.

Leaving ‘social’ out of my romantic socialization has truly uncomplicated my relationship.  Too bad Facebook hasn’t come up with a “It’s Not Complicated – Just Not ‘Socialized'” status on Facebook… yet.

(1) Facebook didn’t have the “Divorced” option when I first signed up

(2) Because I figured he was a grown man who would realize that it was distasteful at best & disrespectful at worst

(3) #jerkface moment, for sure!

(4) yes, that’s a common descriptor for me after men have really digested my digital/social footprint.

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3 Comments on “My Relationship Status? “It’s [Not] Complicated””

  1. Keith P 03/14/2012 at 9:41 pm #

    Social media makes things like this ‘interesting’… it can throw a whole new type of wrench into a relationship. Great! Just what I need… another way to screw it up. Lol!

    • TheOneCrystal 03/15/2012 at 10:05 am #

      Ha, I know what you mean. Since I write about my life & used to have a blog exclusively about dating? Social Media has NOT been a positive influence on my relationships. But more than that, I just miss the days when you got to hear about someone’s day exclusively from their point of view – with the fun element of ‘new news’ and without the psychological twist of being able to know how others viewed it from comments on social platforms. Know what I mean??

      Besides, I have PLENTY of ways to put my foot in it… don’t need the additional “help” there! 🙂 Thanks for the comment!

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  1. Facebook Relationship Status – 11 Years Single « One Strike Rule - 05/27/2012

    […] My Relationship Status? “It’s [Not] Complicated” (theonecrystal.com) […]

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